Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
is that a dick in a sweater?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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