Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
