You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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