It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
