his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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