Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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