Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
