So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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