then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
