youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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