My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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