i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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