We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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