having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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