I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
