a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
