Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
