She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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