she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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