awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
