I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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