im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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