dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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