I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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