so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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