Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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