Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
