How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
