I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
