I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
