I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
