there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So squirting runs in the family.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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