so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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