omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You pole danced in your parka.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
