1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
