I bet he comes in French.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
