Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
