hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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