We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
