a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
