is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
