I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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