You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
