He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
