I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You made out with two different species that night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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