morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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