i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
