I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
