I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
