Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
