cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
