i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
