Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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