white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
