can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
