I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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