He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
