I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They took my balls.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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